Worthy

There are times we look in the mirror and see nothing valuable. Our vision is clouded by the mistakes of our past, the wounds inflicted by others--even ourselves, and the flaws we cannot seem to fix. Thus, we are blinded by the criticism of others and our own, always believing we are never enough for anyone. Yes, that is what we see in the mirror. It is not the reflection of who we truly are, but of whom we have become after all the weathering by life. What do you see? What is your reflection?

Many of us try to put a strong front, acting confident. Others' mirrors are always dirty while others have a few clean spots. It is rare to accept yourself for who you are, yet why do we expect others to accept us? Acceptance must first come from you, allowing yourself to know that it is okay to mess up. The world does not end at one mistake; instead, it blossoms, leading us into a whole new level of maturity and self reflection. By making those mistakes, we are able to grow and the roots that holds us become stronger. The storm will come, but our roots will remain firm. However, how do they become this way? 

The Creator of the Universe reminds us of this: “...My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness...” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Our flaws--our weakness--are opportunities for God to grow in us. There are many areas in our lives that we cannot accept or seem to let go. We might not comprehend why we speak, sing, talk, walk, look, think, etc in a certain way. At times, we may hate it and desire to be like others. Yet, in those flaws, mistakes, wounds, and weaknesses, God becomes strong in us. His Glory shines in us. 

One day, I asked God why I looked the way I did. In a vision, the Lord took me to a mirror. I only saw light and could barely see my face. Then, He said, "This is how I see you: a radiant light. Everyone else will see my Glory shine in you." The same is for you. He confirms it with his word: "And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18). It was then that I knew that God saw me more than I saw myself. I was worth more than I ever thought. 

I am not saying it is easy to believe it, especially when there are many whirlwinds in life that tear us apart. Nonetheless, you, who feel worthless and invaluable, are must more than meets the eye. You are so special that you were bought in blood, which was shed by Jesus Christ. You are worthy, thanks to Jesus. When you welcome Jesus your heart, you are not only forgiven all your sins but are also made into a child of God, of the Most High. Every blessings in Ephesians 1, calling you beloved, blessed, holy, and so forth are true. YOU ARE WORTHY! 

So I call you today to forgive yourself, forgive those who hurt you, repent of your sins, and open your heart to Jesus. For you are more than what you and others see. And when you look into that mirror again, remember to tell yourself: I am the child of the Most High. I was bought with the price of blood. I am Worthy because Jesus Christ lives in my heart.

God bless you,
Claudy <3

Blessings in Disguise

Almost a year ago, I decided that it would be best to end a long distance relationship/friendship. In fact, there is no clear classification of it. Whatever it was, God has put it in my heart to end it completely. It lasted close to two years, and many times, I had tried to end it but was unsuccessful. I didn't see why this time it would be any different. However, my conviction was stronger than before. I felt such a great pull from God and knew that God had given and done so much for me. I needed to do what He asked from me and be obedient.
That night, I cried and told him, let's call him P, that I couldn't talk to him anymore. He was okay with it. For those first few days, I wrote him letters about why I needed to let go but didn't. It seemed like he didn't care. After a month, he liked someone else, and by the second month, he was dating her. I was distraught. Everything we had gone through was a lie. He never cared about me or had feelings for me since he moved on so easily. It was the reason I started this blog. I was hurting. At first, church helped me a lot, but after discovering all this, my heart was void. I didn't know how to handle it. Everything I wanted him to be for me, he was willing to be for her. He moved for her; he wanted to change for her; he made her the healing of his suffering. I couldn't see why. It made me feel worthless and insecure, but I had to let go, no matter how hard it was. I told God I would.
Each month was difficult. Not only had I lost someone I had deep feelings for, but I also lost my best friend. For 2 years, we had constantly text messaged and talked every day. I knew him like no one else did, even knew his darkest secrets. And all of that was gone. It takes getting used to. Nonetheless, the process isn't easy. Most of time, I found myself text messaging him because I was so angry. There was so much resentment and bitterness in my heart. I wanted to hate him; I wanted answers. He gave her what I wanted from him, and I resented him more. He even had the nerve to flirt at times, but I didn't want to be like him; I didn't want to be the cause for her pain even though it seemed like revenge for me. Although I was hurt and angry, I couldn't make myself hate him because hate isn't of God. I couldn't be the someone who ended a relationship out of selfishness. I knew that there was a greater purpose to this, and God was going to show as well as help me.
Several months passed, and I knew the person I once cared and loved was gone. He had given away his virginity, told me straight out God was an invisible man in the sky, and completely renounced his faith. He just gave up. P had a complete change of heart, of identity, of existence. I am not claiming he was perfect or so godly before, but he at least cared enough to fight the good fight. In the coldness of his heart, there was a flame of light. However, now, that flame was an icicle. Saddened by this, I comprehended that his soul was more important than any feelings I possessed about him. Till this day, P claims to believe in God but not to follow him, which I believe is worse. Yet, I know that it is the wounds of life that enclosed him in the dark cold.
My realization was this: he can never truly love without God, and God knows the desires of my heart so well that he knew P wasn't the right man for me. I need and want true love. God knew I couldn't be with a man who is unfaithful to not only Him but also me. So be grateful for the pain. For the pain, hurt, sadness, and anger you feel right now is a blessing in disguise. It might not seem like it now, but God will show you the purpose of your trial and troubles. They are meant to mold our character, strengthen our relationship with him, but mostly, guard our hearts--to protect the love we feel for Him, and He feels for us. So I am grateful for my broken heart. I see now that the pain I underwent was in a way self afflicted because I strayed from what God wants for my life. However, the other trials that weren't a consequence of my sin also allow me to see and experience God's love firsthand. Because through each tear shed, He comforted me more than anyone, healed my heart, and reminded me that I deserve a love like His in my life and shouldn't settle for less. Yes, He is truly my first love, and my pains, troubles, and trials are my blessings in disguise, for they lead me to my Creator, my Father, each time. For that, I am grateful.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

~Claudette