Doubt.

      Have there ever been times in your life that you've doubted? Of course, there have. It may be as small as believing you took the wrong route to work or school that day. Or it may be as big as doubting you will ever get well from an illness, heartbreak, and so on. The dictionary describes doubt as: A feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction. A feeling of uncertainty: well, that's how my life feels most of the time. Uncertainty echos through the walls of our minds, causing thoughts to linger about as they slowly, but surely, embed themselves into the depths of our soul, mind, and heart. It is a part of our life, of who we are. However, the real concern is how much do we let uncertainty--doubt--direct our lives?
     The greatest petition of my heart is to find true love, to get married, be a wife and mother, and serve the Lord with my husband in worship or whatever the Lord has for us. For almost 24 years, I have been single, considering I don't count my ambiguous long distance relationship. If I do, then, 23 years of being single, still a long length of time.  Nonetheless, after many crushes on christian guys, which were mostly long distance, and no long lasting relationship blossoming, one tends to wonder: Will I ever fall in love? Will I ever find the one? UNCERTAINTY. DOUBT. They are the root of other feelings, such as rejection and loneliness. Maybe I was not good enough for him: Doubt is first, and then, one starts to believe that who they are is not good enough, which is probably why that person left them. There you have it. With doubt, unworthiness and rejection come into play, and you further bash yourself when it is not necessary. God created us in His image. We are wonderfully and fearfully made by the Lord. To God, there is no doubt in His undying, eternal, and abundant love that we are beautiful and worthy enough to give His son, Jesus Christ, to shed his blood for us.
      Perhaps, there are times I let doubt direct my life. For instance, letting the scars of the past influence me to overprotect my heart to an extent that I push opportunities of love away. Other times, I find it hard to trust people or want to open up my heart. But then, I remember: Let us hold on firmly to the hope we profess, because we can trust God to keep his promise. (Hebrew 10:23, GNT). God keeps His promises for my life. He knows the petitions and desires of my heart. He recognizes I want to fall in love, marry a worshiper, be a wife and mom, and to serve Him all my life. God knows me better than I know myself. And if He is faithful to keep His promises, I will be okay. Better than okay, actually, I will be great because the greatest desires, petitions, and dreams I have for myself will come true. Not only that, but also the plans I have for myself are small compared to the ones God has for me.
     So yes, sometimes, I doubt and am uncertain that there is a good, godly, God-loving man out there for me. But my life is not directed by doubt, and shouldn't be. It should be guided and steered by God because no one knows the best path for our life than He. That is faith: To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1, GNT). Certain of the things we cannot see... It sounds easy, and to be honest, it can be easy if you trust God. I know that maybe your circumstances and surroundings might show otherwise. But God is faithful and good. As I always say, if God worries about something so important like our salvation, why wouldn't God worry about the other areas of our life? He does. Thus, open your heart, give it to God, let Him steer your life, and know that there is no greater path to follow than the one He has created for you. God bless you :)