Your Heart, Where is it?

The heart. Four chambers working together to pump blood throughout the whole body. Without a strong, healthy heart, our body cannot receive the oxygen and nutrition it needs to keep functioning. The heart is the center of our life force, and the blood within it, is the key to our existence. However, the heart is more than merely an organ; it goes beyond the physical and into the spiritual. The bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23, "Above everything else guard your heart, because from it flow the springs of life." Clearly, our heart is the source of life, the source of our existence. So today I ask you, what flows within your heart?
As I thought about this for weeks, Guard my heart, I wondered what God meant. How do I guard my heart? I feel pain, joy, sorrow, anger, and so many other emotions. To me, that is what the heart holds, emotions. When it comes to emotions, I have several. I am an emotional basket case you can say. However, throughout the weeks, God showed me that guarding my heart was more than that. During a youth conference with Jonathan Shuttlesworth, God clearly pointed out to me how to guard my heart: you must guard what you hear and you must guard what you see. 
Anytime, I permitted myself to hear gossip. I was allowing my heart to be poisoned. The same applied when people judged or criticized me. I took their word to be true when clearly, the only word that is truth and life is that of God. When people tell you, you are not worthy and will not amount to anything, you need to rebuke those words to guard your heart. You must guard what you hear, so constantly be hearing God's word for your life. God says, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, so if someone is telling you the opposite, clearly, those are not words of truth or life and those words will only bring death to you. Do not let it be so. Furthermore, guard what you see. If you are seeing or even reading subjects that tempt you and cause you doubt what God has called you to be, which is a saint, then I recommend you stop allowing that to be part of your life.  God called you for great missions, and allowing your life to be filled by trash is something you want to avoid. Therefore, what are you permitting yourself to hear and see? If it is not edifying and helping you in your walk with God and personally, then there is no need to hear or see it. For one must guard their heart, and one does this by guarding also their thoughts. 

Now, yes, it is important to know how to guard the heart, but also to know why. Like we saw earlier, from the heart springs life. The bible says in Matthew 6:21, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Where is your heart? For a long time, I gave my heart to the wrong persons. And for years, my heart was trampled on. My past "relationship" not only broke my heart but also poisoned it. I did not guard what I heard, which was negative and condensing remarks, such as me being like a cancer. I did not guard what I saw, which were constantly reading those lies about myself. It tainted my thoughts and heart with false truths that God had never said about me. I gave my heart to the wrong man, and for that, my heart, my life was suffering. For me, it was this man for a long time. However, for you, it can be anyone. Where does your heart lie? Who have you given it to? What are you allowing your heart to see and hear? 

Wherever you heart is, I will tell you this: if your heart is not in God's hands, then you are not guarding it correctly. The greatest treasure we can have in our lives is Jesus Christ. When we give our heart to God, it is in the best hands. Why? God is love, and there is no greater, unconditional, and perfect love like His. At times, we do not realize this until our heart has been shattered, but if you have placed your heart in the wrong hands, there is still time to place it in God's hands. It was in His hands that my heart was mended and healed. I know that God will never hurt me, so I do my best to guard and give him my heart. I am not saying it is easy, but I am saying it is best. I vowed to guard my heart and to love Him above all things because I know that my heart is better in His hands than mine. I exhort you to do the same vow today. Think about where your heart is and what you are allowing to go into it. From your heart springs life, and a life without God, is simply a life without love, peace, and happiness. So make the right choice and allow God to be the holder of your heart. Trust me, you can never go wrong with God. 

<3 Claudy 

Worthy

There are times we look in the mirror and see nothing valuable. Our vision is clouded by the mistakes of our past, the wounds inflicted by others--even ourselves, and the flaws we cannot seem to fix. Thus, we are blinded by the criticism of others and our own, always believing we are never enough for anyone. Yes, that is what we see in the mirror. It is not the reflection of who we truly are, but of whom we have become after all the weathering by life. What do you see? What is your reflection?

Many of us try to put a strong front, acting confident. Others' mirrors are always dirty while others have a few clean spots. It is rare to accept yourself for who you are, yet why do we expect others to accept us? Acceptance must first come from you, allowing yourself to know that it is okay to mess up. The world does not end at one mistake; instead, it blossoms, leading us into a whole new level of maturity and self reflection. By making those mistakes, we are able to grow and the roots that holds us become stronger. The storm will come, but our roots will remain firm. However, how do they become this way? 

The Creator of the Universe reminds us of this: “...My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness...” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Our flaws--our weakness--are opportunities for God to grow in us. There are many areas in our lives that we cannot accept or seem to let go. We might not comprehend why we speak, sing, talk, walk, look, think, etc in a certain way. At times, we may hate it and desire to be like others. Yet, in those flaws, mistakes, wounds, and weaknesses, God becomes strong in us. His Glory shines in us. 

One day, I asked God why I looked the way I did. In a vision, the Lord took me to a mirror. I only saw light and could barely see my face. Then, He said, "This is how I see you: a radiant light. Everyone else will see my Glory shine in you." The same is for you. He confirms it with his word: "And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18). It was then that I knew that God saw me more than I saw myself. I was worth more than I ever thought. 

I am not saying it is easy to believe it, especially when there are many whirlwinds in life that tear us apart. Nonetheless, you, who feel worthless and invaluable, are must more than meets the eye. You are so special that you were bought in blood, which was shed by Jesus Christ. You are worthy, thanks to Jesus. When you welcome Jesus your heart, you are not only forgiven all your sins but are also made into a child of God, of the Most High. Every blessings in Ephesians 1, calling you beloved, blessed, holy, and so forth are true. YOU ARE WORTHY! 

So I call you today to forgive yourself, forgive those who hurt you, repent of your sins, and open your heart to Jesus. For you are more than what you and others see. And when you look into that mirror again, remember to tell yourself: I am the child of the Most High. I was bought with the price of blood. I am Worthy because Jesus Christ lives in my heart.

God bless you,
Claudy <3

Blessings in Disguise

Almost a year ago, I decided that it would be best to end a long distance relationship/friendship. In fact, there is no clear classification of it. Whatever it was, God has put it in my heart to end it completely. It lasted close to two years, and many times, I had tried to end it but was unsuccessful. I didn't see why this time it would be any different. However, my conviction was stronger than before. I felt such a great pull from God and knew that God had given and done so much for me. I needed to do what He asked from me and be obedient.
That night, I cried and told him, let's call him P, that I couldn't talk to him anymore. He was okay with it. For those first few days, I wrote him letters about why I needed to let go but didn't. It seemed like he didn't care. After a month, he liked someone else, and by the second month, he was dating her. I was distraught. Everything we had gone through was a lie. He never cared about me or had feelings for me since he moved on so easily. It was the reason I started this blog. I was hurting. At first, church helped me a lot, but after discovering all this, my heart was void. I didn't know how to handle it. Everything I wanted him to be for me, he was willing to be for her. He moved for her; he wanted to change for her; he made her the healing of his suffering. I couldn't see why. It made me feel worthless and insecure, but I had to let go, no matter how hard it was. I told God I would.
Each month was difficult. Not only had I lost someone I had deep feelings for, but I also lost my best friend. For 2 years, we had constantly text messaged and talked every day. I knew him like no one else did, even knew his darkest secrets. And all of that was gone. It takes getting used to. Nonetheless, the process isn't easy. Most of time, I found myself text messaging him because I was so angry. There was so much resentment and bitterness in my heart. I wanted to hate him; I wanted answers. He gave her what I wanted from him, and I resented him more. He even had the nerve to flirt at times, but I didn't want to be like him; I didn't want to be the cause for her pain even though it seemed like revenge for me. Although I was hurt and angry, I couldn't make myself hate him because hate isn't of God. I couldn't be the someone who ended a relationship out of selfishness. I knew that there was a greater purpose to this, and God was going to show as well as help me.
Several months passed, and I knew the person I once cared and loved was gone. He had given away his virginity, told me straight out God was an invisible man in the sky, and completely renounced his faith. He just gave up. P had a complete change of heart, of identity, of existence. I am not claiming he was perfect or so godly before, but he at least cared enough to fight the good fight. In the coldness of his heart, there was a flame of light. However, now, that flame was an icicle. Saddened by this, I comprehended that his soul was more important than any feelings I possessed about him. Till this day, P claims to believe in God but not to follow him, which I believe is worse. Yet, I know that it is the wounds of life that enclosed him in the dark cold.
My realization was this: he can never truly love without God, and God knows the desires of my heart so well that he knew P wasn't the right man for me. I need and want true love. God knew I couldn't be with a man who is unfaithful to not only Him but also me. So be grateful for the pain. For the pain, hurt, sadness, and anger you feel right now is a blessing in disguise. It might not seem like it now, but God will show you the purpose of your trial and troubles. They are meant to mold our character, strengthen our relationship with him, but mostly, guard our hearts--to protect the love we feel for Him, and He feels for us. So I am grateful for my broken heart. I see now that the pain I underwent was in a way self afflicted because I strayed from what God wants for my life. However, the other trials that weren't a consequence of my sin also allow me to see and experience God's love firsthand. Because through each tear shed, He comforted me more than anyone, healed my heart, and reminded me that I deserve a love like His in my life and shouldn't settle for less. Yes, He is truly my first love, and my pains, troubles, and trials are my blessings in disguise, for they lead me to my Creator, my Father, each time. For that, I am grateful.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

~Claudette

Keep on Dreaming

     Dreams. We all have them. Some of us since we have been little dreamed about what we'd become as adults. Whatever age or time your dreams were created, the fact remains that you have dreams. There will be steps you'll take in your life to make them come true. And sometimes, things will go wrong. But that is life. It is full of obstacles but also of blessings. Whatever happens, those dreams remain if you decide to hold onto them until they blossom into realities.

     Nevertheless, God has dreams for our life. He has plans for each one of us. He says that we are called for a purpose. In Jeremiah 29:11 (New King James Version), God states "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Anytime you feel that there is no hope for your dreams coming true, remember God's thoughts of a future for you. Those dreams are not just within you because of someone influenced you, and they are not a mere desire. God has placed certain dreams in you. He knows the desires and petitions to your heart; therefore, he knew exactly what dream to place within that connected with what you wanted most.

      Most of our dreams coincident with our talents and gift; there is a meaning behind that. God uses all we are to praise and worship him, for his kingdom. Perhaps, we might think we don't have gifts or talents, but we do. However, we fail to see them. Everyone is good at something. You don't have to be perfect. God doesn't seek perfection; he seeks initiation, meaning that you try to participate and your best. Remember, "9 But [God] said to [us], “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore [we] will boast all the more gladly about [our] weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on [us]. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:9-11, New International Version). So even in your worse qualities, God will make you strong and find use of them. Why? Because once we allow God to be our Lord, everything we are, our whole being, is meant to glorify Him and bring praise to His name.

     Thus, don't give up on your dreams. In fact, ask God what His dreams are for you. Keep moving forward, and any time you feel insecure, remember, God makes you strong in any weakness. It is through those weaknesses that Christ is able to be perfected, glorified, and praise. Seek your dreams, better yet, fulfill them, for they were not placed in your heart without a purpose.
<3 Claudy

It's weird how you can spent years of your life with someone, and they never truly do the same for you. Quickly, they move on and find someone else to take their heart while yours is left to heal, enduring regret for that time lost. But bless God who is good, just, and faithful, for He stands close to those broken and left disable. Those who truly give their heart to God and leave behind "loves" and "friends" come to realize that they never lost anything, not a speck. God will bless them with great success and bring to you true love, worthy of death and His praise.

Sincerely, Claudy ♥

Broken.

   Tears flowed down my rosy cheeks. As each salty, tear drop fell, it was harder to contain myself. Emotions overwhelmed me, and I found myself gasping for air in order to control myself. Yet, there was no stopping it. My soul was venting. And as I bawled like a baby, I was secretly healing. It had finally hit me: I am broken. For the these past 6 months, the process of healing had been quick and rather swift. Due to this, I figured that if that person who hurt me contacted me, I would be fine in conversing with them. That moment came unexpectedly. However, while talking to him about how he was not a good boyfriend to the new woman in his life, and of course, after enduring my scolding about it, I came to a realization. 

     As I told him not to hurt her by flirting with other girls because he'll break her, I started to tear up. Then, it hit me. He broke me. For days, insecurity and unworthiness overtook me. I felt unworthy of ever been loved by any man, aka future potential husband, of finding love. Insecurity about being not good enough, pretty, smart, and so forth settled in my heart and mind. No one will love me. Who will ever be with me? He was the only one who found me attractive for how I look. No one else will. My thoughts were filled with such pessimism, and I became my worst enemy. I told myself to guard my heart. Nevertheless, I started taking refugee in the worse things, only harming myself. Before I knew it, I kept trying to ease my pain with  lies, desires, and sin. 

    At first, I kept declaring how singleness is a gift, and it is. However, I was hiding myself under my own philosophy, so my heart would not be on the line. Yet, when a man came into my life, the philosophy lost itself within my subconscious because there I went, flirt activated. I eventually refrain myself from flirting, too much that is, and spoke about singleness being a gift as a reminder to myself. That didn't stop my heart for looking for attention. I was hurt. And the only way to refugee myself from the pain is God, yet when I failed to spent time with him, desire started to creep in. Am I ever going to get married? Will I ever find a meaning to my life? Is there a purpose for me? These thoughts roamed my head back and forth without seeming to find an exit. There are so many hopes and dreams within me. Of course, the most obvious being that I want to get married and be a wife. There I was. Initially, lying to myself about treating singleness as a gift yet flirting, and now, letting my desires resurface. I want to get married. I want a baby. I want, want , want, want... It seems as though that is all we think about, our wants. And when we don't get what we want, sadness steps in. 

      Then, we take refugee in sin. For instance, it is not nice to be used by another person, yet it is worse to let that person still have control over your life after they have left you. Nonetheless, we believe that the only way to be rid of the pain is by other pain. Because that is all sin does: hurt, destroy, and kill. I decided to take control back. He was no longer with me nor hurting me, so why was I hurting myself for something he did to me? Why was I putting myself in further pain? That is not fair to me. He sure doesn't care about it, why should I? This is what sin does. It keeps us as captives to past experiences and pain. The worse thing of it all is that we believe it is going to help us when it is not. It might be a temporary fix, but eventually, we need more. It is like any addiction. People try a drug once, and then, they want more. Ultimately, they need stronger doses of that drug to get the same effect they did the first time. In the attempt to try to reach that escape or moment of "ecstasy," they end up overdosing and losing their life. 

     The same is with our own lies, desires, and sins. However, don't fret. God states: Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalms 37: 4 NIV). God knows the desires and wants of our heart, but He wants us to seek Him above all things. No one knows our heart better than God, our Creator. He not only knows what we want but also what we need. And rather than letting ourselves be caught up by our own lies, desires, and sins--only destroying ourselves and taking our life, we should let ourselves be submerged into God's presence in order to find who we are. God is not a temporary fix; He is an everlasting high of love, joy, and peace. Yes, moments of despair, sadness, loneliness, and many more might come, yet God is faithful and keeps His promises. Yes, I am broken, but God "...close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalms 34:18). 

         Maybe I am flawed, feel insecure, and unworthy. That is part of being human, of being alive. But we have a loving God that states we are "... fearfully and wonderfully made; [His] works are wonderful..." (Psalms 139:14) and created in his image. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise, especially your own mind. Change your thoughts to those that God has about you because no one knows you better than your Creator, who "..heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalms 147:3). You are never alone, and in your worse moments, God is there. Perhaps, I am broken, but I am thankful for it because I know that God is pasting me back together as he gently heals my heart and mends my wounds. For that, I am grateful. 

Hold your tongue.

    In various occasion, frustration overcomes me due to a plethora of things: no internet, pestering brother, unanswered texts of someone you're worried about, long days at work, and the list goes on. The problem is that this frustration converts to impatience to anger to sadness to loneliness until I end up crying. However, through this progress, there are many people who suffer my wrath. And then, I feel horrible because I didn't mean to be mean. It was all driven by emotion, by temporary bubbles boiling within my being. Yet, the consequence of those actions and words can be everlasting. 
    What one fails to realize is that in the midst of those emotions, the worse--at times--can come out. We become people we do not recognize or even like, yet the overwhelming emotion within us steers our words, striking the heart, mind, and soul of another, possibly a loved one. The bible says in Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue...(ESV)." One simple word can make or break a person. One simple word can bless or curse. One simple word can create or destroy. That is all it takes one word. 
    In knowing this, it makes me wonder how many wounds I caused as well as how many were inflicted upon me. I remember that my past relationship was verbally abusive, thus, making it emotionally and mentally abusive. His words are the scars on my heart right now. It amazed me how much his words had impacted me. Talking to him one day, he said: "your love was destroying me." That hurt. How can love destroy? Love is one of the most precious things, and in my opinion, I was doing my best to love him in Christ. I was putting myself last for his needs, so how was it destroying him? However, that wasn't my biggest concern. Those words embedded into my head like an overplayed song. After that, I started to believe that maybe my love was destroying my family and everyone around me. And I would cry. 

     However, that wasn't the case. My ex didn't want my love, didn't understand love, and doesn't even know love. I know that God loves me, and that when I love, it's His love reflecting, not mine. Yes, sometimes, Claudette's worse will come out, but God mends everything that is broken. So those words, I cancelled them in the name of Jesus Christ and declared that my love didn't destroy, but that my love is from God, shining upon the world. Maybe someone's words hurt you and the wounds are still there. You must cancel those words in the name of Jesus Christ, declare words of blessing over your life, of truth--God's truth, forgive them, and let God heal you. Since you understand that pain and how those words marked your life for some point, it is essential that you hold your tongue in times of frustration, impatience, anger, sadness, and loneliness. Words can give bless or curse, give or take, destroy or create, and give love or take it. Don't let yourself be the same creature that wounded your heart, but be the one helps heals those who are wounded in Jesus' name. :) One simple word can impact and transform a life forever. Be a blessing. Be courageous. God bless you <3