This is how I feel right now. My heart and emotions tell me to console him. Because I knew him so well, I remember the stories he would tell. I have a great memory for certain things. Knowing right now that he might be hurting, sort of stings my heart a bit. I cannot stop caring out of nowhere. We were honest with each other, spoke constantly for two years, and shared intimate things that only God knows.
But, it is not like before. Even though my heart yearns to call or text him to console him, my mind argues not to. A battle between logic and emotions takes place within my heart and mind. Which to listen to? My compassionate side pushes to be kind and merciful, yet this side caused me to bear through various hurts and fights in this relationship. I want to tell him, "I'm sorry for your loss. I am here for you if you need me." But should I be? Some friend believe he would not even do that for me, but would he? I do not know. Maybe. We are no longer anything to each other, just a chapter closed that should not be reopened and reread.
Does it make me compassionate? Does it make me a bad Christian? The answer seems confusing and vague. Yet, if I ended this friendship/relationship with him for God, then I cannot go back. The Lord knows I want to support, console, and uplift him. Nonetheless, the best thing I can do--as a friend, a sister in Christ,as someone who loved, cared, and cherished him--is to pray. A good friend I believe I can be, but the emotional attachment of my heart must be severed. That is what he wants and always wanted in a sense. I know God does not think less of me for not consoling him, so I will not think less of myself.
As people, we cannot help to care. It is in our nature. But we always need to remind ourselves that those people or person is no longer in our life for a reason. Yes, we care about them. Therefore, the best thing is to remain strong on your own path and pray for them. Let God handle it; no one else can better than him. <3
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