Keep on Dreaming

     Dreams. We all have them. Some of us since we have been little dreamed about what we'd become as adults. Whatever age or time your dreams were created, the fact remains that you have dreams. There will be steps you'll take in your life to make them come true. And sometimes, things will go wrong. But that is life. It is full of obstacles but also of blessings. Whatever happens, those dreams remain if you decide to hold onto them until they blossom into realities.

     Nevertheless, God has dreams for our life. He has plans for each one of us. He says that we are called for a purpose. In Jeremiah 29:11 (New King James Version), God states "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Anytime you feel that there is no hope for your dreams coming true, remember God's thoughts of a future for you. Those dreams are not just within you because of someone influenced you, and they are not a mere desire. God has placed certain dreams in you. He knows the desires and petitions to your heart; therefore, he knew exactly what dream to place within that connected with what you wanted most.

      Most of our dreams coincident with our talents and gift; there is a meaning behind that. God uses all we are to praise and worship him, for his kingdom. Perhaps, we might think we don't have gifts or talents, but we do. However, we fail to see them. Everyone is good at something. You don't have to be perfect. God doesn't seek perfection; he seeks initiation, meaning that you try to participate and your best. Remember, "9 But [God] said to [us], “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore [we] will boast all the more gladly about [our] weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on [us]. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:9-11, New International Version). So even in your worse qualities, God will make you strong and find use of them. Why? Because once we allow God to be our Lord, everything we are, our whole being, is meant to glorify Him and bring praise to His name.

     Thus, don't give up on your dreams. In fact, ask God what His dreams are for you. Keep moving forward, and any time you feel insecure, remember, God makes you strong in any weakness. It is through those weaknesses that Christ is able to be perfected, glorified, and praise. Seek your dreams, better yet, fulfill them, for they were not placed in your heart without a purpose.
<3 Claudy

It's weird how you can spent years of your life with someone, and they never truly do the same for you. Quickly, they move on and find someone else to take their heart while yours is left to heal, enduring regret for that time lost. But bless God who is good, just, and faithful, for He stands close to those broken and left disable. Those who truly give their heart to God and leave behind "loves" and "friends" come to realize that they never lost anything, not a speck. God will bless them with great success and bring to you true love, worthy of death and His praise.

Sincerely, Claudy ♥

Broken.

   Tears flowed down my rosy cheeks. As each salty, tear drop fell, it was harder to contain myself. Emotions overwhelmed me, and I found myself gasping for air in order to control myself. Yet, there was no stopping it. My soul was venting. And as I bawled like a baby, I was secretly healing. It had finally hit me: I am broken. For the these past 6 months, the process of healing had been quick and rather swift. Due to this, I figured that if that person who hurt me contacted me, I would be fine in conversing with them. That moment came unexpectedly. However, while talking to him about how he was not a good boyfriend to the new woman in his life, and of course, after enduring my scolding about it, I came to a realization. 

     As I told him not to hurt her by flirting with other girls because he'll break her, I started to tear up. Then, it hit me. He broke me. For days, insecurity and unworthiness overtook me. I felt unworthy of ever been loved by any man, aka future potential husband, of finding love. Insecurity about being not good enough, pretty, smart, and so forth settled in my heart and mind. No one will love me. Who will ever be with me? He was the only one who found me attractive for how I look. No one else will. My thoughts were filled with such pessimism, and I became my worst enemy. I told myself to guard my heart. Nevertheless, I started taking refugee in the worse things, only harming myself. Before I knew it, I kept trying to ease my pain with  lies, desires, and sin. 

    At first, I kept declaring how singleness is a gift, and it is. However, I was hiding myself under my own philosophy, so my heart would not be on the line. Yet, when a man came into my life, the philosophy lost itself within my subconscious because there I went, flirt activated. I eventually refrain myself from flirting, too much that is, and spoke about singleness being a gift as a reminder to myself. That didn't stop my heart for looking for attention. I was hurt. And the only way to refugee myself from the pain is God, yet when I failed to spent time with him, desire started to creep in. Am I ever going to get married? Will I ever find a meaning to my life? Is there a purpose for me? These thoughts roamed my head back and forth without seeming to find an exit. There are so many hopes and dreams within me. Of course, the most obvious being that I want to get married and be a wife. There I was. Initially, lying to myself about treating singleness as a gift yet flirting, and now, letting my desires resurface. I want to get married. I want a baby. I want, want , want, want... It seems as though that is all we think about, our wants. And when we don't get what we want, sadness steps in. 

      Then, we take refugee in sin. For instance, it is not nice to be used by another person, yet it is worse to let that person still have control over your life after they have left you. Nonetheless, we believe that the only way to be rid of the pain is by other pain. Because that is all sin does: hurt, destroy, and kill. I decided to take control back. He was no longer with me nor hurting me, so why was I hurting myself for something he did to me? Why was I putting myself in further pain? That is not fair to me. He sure doesn't care about it, why should I? This is what sin does. It keeps us as captives to past experiences and pain. The worse thing of it all is that we believe it is going to help us when it is not. It might be a temporary fix, but eventually, we need more. It is like any addiction. People try a drug once, and then, they want more. Ultimately, they need stronger doses of that drug to get the same effect they did the first time. In the attempt to try to reach that escape or moment of "ecstasy," they end up overdosing and losing their life. 

     The same is with our own lies, desires, and sins. However, don't fret. God states: Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalms 37: 4 NIV). God knows the desires and wants of our heart, but He wants us to seek Him above all things. No one knows our heart better than God, our Creator. He not only knows what we want but also what we need. And rather than letting ourselves be caught up by our own lies, desires, and sins--only destroying ourselves and taking our life, we should let ourselves be submerged into God's presence in order to find who we are. God is not a temporary fix; He is an everlasting high of love, joy, and peace. Yes, moments of despair, sadness, loneliness, and many more might come, yet God is faithful and keeps His promises. Yes, I am broken, but God "...close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalms 34:18). 

         Maybe I am flawed, feel insecure, and unworthy. That is part of being human, of being alive. But we have a loving God that states we are "... fearfully and wonderfully made; [His] works are wonderful..." (Psalms 139:14) and created in his image. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise, especially your own mind. Change your thoughts to those that God has about you because no one knows you better than your Creator, who "..heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalms 147:3). You are never alone, and in your worse moments, God is there. Perhaps, I am broken, but I am thankful for it because I know that God is pasting me back together as he gently heals my heart and mends my wounds. For that, I am grateful. 

Hold your tongue.

    In various occasion, frustration overcomes me due to a plethora of things: no internet, pestering brother, unanswered texts of someone you're worried about, long days at work, and the list goes on. The problem is that this frustration converts to impatience to anger to sadness to loneliness until I end up crying. However, through this progress, there are many people who suffer my wrath. And then, I feel horrible because I didn't mean to be mean. It was all driven by emotion, by temporary bubbles boiling within my being. Yet, the consequence of those actions and words can be everlasting. 
    What one fails to realize is that in the midst of those emotions, the worse--at times--can come out. We become people we do not recognize or even like, yet the overwhelming emotion within us steers our words, striking the heart, mind, and soul of another, possibly a loved one. The bible says in Proverbs 18:21, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue...(ESV)." One simple word can make or break a person. One simple word can bless or curse. One simple word can create or destroy. That is all it takes one word. 
    In knowing this, it makes me wonder how many wounds I caused as well as how many were inflicted upon me. I remember that my past relationship was verbally abusive, thus, making it emotionally and mentally abusive. His words are the scars on my heart right now. It amazed me how much his words had impacted me. Talking to him one day, he said: "your love was destroying me." That hurt. How can love destroy? Love is one of the most precious things, and in my opinion, I was doing my best to love him in Christ. I was putting myself last for his needs, so how was it destroying him? However, that wasn't my biggest concern. Those words embedded into my head like an overplayed song. After that, I started to believe that maybe my love was destroying my family and everyone around me. And I would cry. 

     However, that wasn't the case. My ex didn't want my love, didn't understand love, and doesn't even know love. I know that God loves me, and that when I love, it's His love reflecting, not mine. Yes, sometimes, Claudette's worse will come out, but God mends everything that is broken. So those words, I cancelled them in the name of Jesus Christ and declared that my love didn't destroy, but that my love is from God, shining upon the world. Maybe someone's words hurt you and the wounds are still there. You must cancel those words in the name of Jesus Christ, declare words of blessing over your life, of truth--God's truth, forgive them, and let God heal you. Since you understand that pain and how those words marked your life for some point, it is essential that you hold your tongue in times of frustration, impatience, anger, sadness, and loneliness. Words can give bless or curse, give or take, destroy or create, and give love or take it. Don't let yourself be the same creature that wounded your heart, but be the one helps heals those who are wounded in Jesus' name. :) One simple word can impact and transform a life forever. Be a blessing. Be courageous. God bless you <3 
                             
                     
                                     

Doubt.

      Have there ever been times in your life that you've doubted? Of course, there have. It may be as small as believing you took the wrong route to work or school that day. Or it may be as big as doubting you will ever get well from an illness, heartbreak, and so on. The dictionary describes doubt as: A feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction. A feeling of uncertainty: well, that's how my life feels most of the time. Uncertainty echos through the walls of our minds, causing thoughts to linger about as they slowly, but surely, embed themselves into the depths of our soul, mind, and heart. It is a part of our life, of who we are. However, the real concern is how much do we let uncertainty--doubt--direct our lives?
     The greatest petition of my heart is to find true love, to get married, be a wife and mother, and serve the Lord with my husband in worship or whatever the Lord has for us. For almost 24 years, I have been single, considering I don't count my ambiguous long distance relationship. If I do, then, 23 years of being single, still a long length of time.  Nonetheless, after many crushes on christian guys, which were mostly long distance, and no long lasting relationship blossoming, one tends to wonder: Will I ever fall in love? Will I ever find the one? UNCERTAINTY. DOUBT. They are the root of other feelings, such as rejection and loneliness. Maybe I was not good enough for him: Doubt is first, and then, one starts to believe that who they are is not good enough, which is probably why that person left them. There you have it. With doubt, unworthiness and rejection come into play, and you further bash yourself when it is not necessary. God created us in His image. We are wonderfully and fearfully made by the Lord. To God, there is no doubt in His undying, eternal, and abundant love that we are beautiful and worthy enough to give His son, Jesus Christ, to shed his blood for us.
      Perhaps, there are times I let doubt direct my life. For instance, letting the scars of the past influence me to overprotect my heart to an extent that I push opportunities of love away. Other times, I find it hard to trust people or want to open up my heart. But then, I remember: Let us hold on firmly to the hope we profess, because we can trust God to keep his promise. (Hebrew 10:23, GNT). God keeps His promises for my life. He knows the petitions and desires of my heart. He recognizes I want to fall in love, marry a worshiper, be a wife and mom, and to serve Him all my life. God knows me better than I know myself. And if He is faithful to keep His promises, I will be okay. Better than okay, actually, I will be great because the greatest desires, petitions, and dreams I have for myself will come true. Not only that, but also the plans I have for myself are small compared to the ones God has for me.
     So yes, sometimes, I doubt and am uncertain that there is a good, godly, God-loving man out there for me. But my life is not directed by doubt, and shouldn't be. It should be guided and steered by God because no one knows the best path for our life than He. That is faith: To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1, GNT). Certain of the things we cannot see... It sounds easy, and to be honest, it can be easy if you trust God. I know that maybe your circumstances and surroundings might show otherwise. But God is faithful and good. As I always say, if God worries about something so important like our salvation, why wouldn't God worry about the other areas of our life? He does. Thus, open your heart, give it to God, let Him steer your life, and know that there is no greater path to follow than the one He has created for you. God bless you :)

Harden Heart?

Proverbs 28: 13-14-Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Blessed is the one who fears the Lord always, but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity.

     After a breakup, a plethora of questions as well as actions come to mind. Why did this happen? Didn't I try hard enough? Wasn't I good enough? How could they do this to me? Why? Why? Why?! Then, comes the typical cliche. I will never date again. Forget heartbreaks, I will be single forever. I don't need anyone. The lists goes on and on. Confusion tends to set in.
    Dedicating part of your life to someone takes time and effort, sometimes even money or whatnot. However, a breakup allows you to experience loss. You perhaps not only lost the love of your life, in a sense, but also  your best friend and even, part of your life. The overwhelming feeling of loneliness and  unworthiness dwells within the depths of ones' soul. A breakup is a stab in the heart as if to shatter it into a million pieces and disconnect the soul from feeling. In order to never undergo this gruesome feeling, one tends to harden the heart. It seems like the only way to protect oneself, but one fails to realize that this supposedly protection steals valuable things, such as: hope, faith, love, etc. The hardening of ones heart is not protect, but a poison, a bitter enemy, coursing through the veins of the one shielding itself in its shelter.
    Nevertheless, it seems that the only way to heal is by not feeling, by numbing the pain. Yet deep inside, one hopes to fall in love and share an intimate relationship with a special someone. However, this will not be a reality if one's heart is harden. I know it seems like the best way to cope with the pain. For me, it was easier to succumb to sin in order to feel better, to feel wanted, to feel happy. Does the feeling last? No. The pleasures of sins are temporary; it is a false joy, never-lasting. Sin is like a balloon. One blows it up to full capacity; it looks nice on whatever it decorates for a moment. Then, the balloon starts to slowly deflate, deteriorating the soul, ceasing to exist and taking away all its glory, its supposed beauty, with it. A balloon never last; its purpose is to embellish life for a mere second, but eventually, it will end, and no one truly finds joy in it like they do in the main gift, on what is everlasting, on what is the main purpose. 
    So instead of hardening your heart, which eventually leads one to attach to sin, feel the pain. Yes, I said feel the pain. You might ask yourself, how will I survive? The answer is simple: by living. You continue on your path.It is okay to cry, but do not let that overtake your life. Yes, it hurts, but if everything was fine and dandy, then, we would not really be living.  Life is full of sorrows and joys. In the midst of pain, sorrow, chaos, trials, and tribulations, one grows, blossoms, learns, and becomes stronger. The heart is meant to feel, not to be numb. And perhaps the knife which shattered it may be still deeply embedded because you are not ready to take it out, to feel the full extent of that hurt. Medically, it is said to leave it in, prepare the damage, and then, take it out. However, spiritually, I challenge you to take it out, face the pain, and overcoming it each day. Some days will be easier than others, but trust me when I say, it is not impossible.
    By feeling the pain, I realized my need for healing. Maybe you can keep going without God. nonetheless, the greatest tool, I have found is when one seeks God in the middle of hurt. Sin, nor a new bf or crush, does not heal the wounds. They cover it for awhile, and then, you realize the pain is still there. So a pattern of covering the pain with sin starts to emerge, and you start to slowly lose yourself, hardening your heart. When you face the pain, ask God to guide you, you attack it at its root and allow yourself to take part of the opportunities God has to offer, such as: joy, faith, hope, the ability to find true love. God does not give us more than what we can handle, and by holding onto His hand we will not sink. Like I said, yes, you experienced a loss, but so did God. He gave Jesus Christ, His only son to die on the cross for you. He suffered loss for love; He knows how you feel. Trust him. Don't harden your heart and allow yourself to face the pain and know that God is holding your hand all the way through.

Psalm 23:4-Even though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for you shall be with me; your rod and staff comfort me.

Deceitful Heart

Deceitful Heart,

Why must you lie to me so?

You seek what you can’t have.

Off you go, based on emotion, forgetting all rationality and on the verge of insanity.

Deceitful Heart,

Why must you lie to me so?

4 measly chambers circulate the vitality of false hope.

Ignoring all logic of what its true biological purpose holds.

Deceitful heart,

Why must you lie to me so?

It is your duty to keep me alive, yet the role given to you by humans as the bearer of love, feelings, and soul hastens my leave of this world.

Foolish, Foolish Heart

Stop lying, no more!

Don’t you understand that there is no rationality, only tangible reality?

Deceitful Heart, remember your true object before you kill me so.